Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Present Tense

M's birthday is in just a few short days. (I think. Or was it yesterday? No, wait, my neighbour's sister's hairdresser's petsitter's was yesterday. M's is definitely coming up soon. I'll check on the exact date later, after my stories.) And now I am facing the same dilemma people have faced since time immemorial: What the hell do I get her?

I began my quest for the perfect present systematically, by writing a list of her interests. I hoped that it would spark something.

M likes:
- candy
- low-flush toilets
- Lola, her cat
- getting her driver's licence picture re-taken because the first take makes her look "too eager"
- getting her passport picture re-taken because the first and second takes make her look "kinda shiny"
- giving me dirty looks when I accidentally let out a tiny belch
- practicing my signature
- those bags of little carrots (and by extension, making orange fangs out of said carrots)

And so on, and so forth. As you can see, I don't have a lot to work with. This is a lot of pressure. How am I suppose to top that bottle of spray-on salad dressing she gave me for my last birthday so I could learn more about "portion control"? At least I still have a few days. (I think? It's not next month, is it?)



Cat food and catnip, for Lola. She's easy to buy for. (Yes, I repeat, catnip.)

5 comments:

Mark said...

Are you sure that's not Coco Puffs and big bag o' weed?

Anonymous said...

That's a very systematic way of determining an appropriate present H. Plus, it gives us insight into M's character.

If you can't think of something practical, how about something sentimental? BEWARE: If it involves a picture of M, she'd better not look like a shiny, eager bitch, or she won't accept it!

Good luck,

Dr X

P.S. Pass the catnip! :)

Kurt said...

I admire your commitment to both your sister and your stories.

M said...

Money is good.

Also, your little burps are never accidental. Ha!

donjmurray said...

Boy H, I think your idea of the apple would work but of course now that M is not coming to visit you may want to reconsider