And now (until I get my hands on M's grade 8 grad photo) I'd like to introduce her cat, Lola.
M is truly devoted to her animals, which is especially impressive because her animals are rather "difficult," much like M herself. But Lola is the most difficult of them all. Perhaps the most difficult cat anywhere. You know that character from the Drew Carey show who is rather calorically blessed and has a mean mouth? Lola's a feline version of that, minus blue eyeshadow. In fact, I call her Lolach The Destroyer (say it in a Darth Vader voice for maximum effect).
As you can see, Lola is, well, really fat. Usually, people's first reaction to Lola is "Wow" and their eyes get really wide. She weighs over 20 lbs. Lola doesn't like to be picked up. She doesn't like to be snuggled. She doesn't like being looked at in the afternoon. She doesn't like being touched unless the moon is aligned a certain way. If you try, she hits you. And she hits really hard.
Further proof of M's devotion is her wall of worship. That's right. She actually cut out dozens of tiny photographs of Lola and made them into fridge magnets.
And the ultimate proof? M uses baby wipes to clean Lola's bum every day. It seems Lola's spherical shape makes it impossible for her to do the task herself. Wiping someone's bum is, like, the ultimate thing you can do for them. Ugh.
(NB: Before anyone blasts me for making fun of a "helpless" cat, know that I love Lola very much. In fact, I picked her out and lived with her for most of her first year of life. But c'mon. Look at the picture again. Also, Lola is one tough bitch. She'll get me for this.)
(Lola only tolerates her sister, Sadie the Bunny, when she's asleep.)
7 comments:
You could have been much more unkinder. Just look at that cat!
What kind of sicko has fridge magnets of her cat and wipes its bum? Unless Lola treats M much better than you H...
Dr X
P.S. Bring on the Grade 8 grad photo! :D
yikes! M, I think H is very mean. I think your cat is perfect. I am running from this one!
That's a terrible shot! You've enraged me. And Lola hasn't forgotten that you abandoned her at a tender age, H.
Post the grade 8 grad photo at your peril.
oh, I have met Lola and she is cute.. in fact, she really likes me..haha, actually she terrified my kids..they thought she was going to eat them!
Oh my gosh! Ha ha! I've never heard of anyone wiping a cat's bum weasel. That is the ultimate act of love. I feel like Lola. I don't like being looked at in the light either. Lola is my long lost soul sister.
I think Lola and Small must have been separated at birth and are long lost sisters. Small shares many of Lola's characteristics, and like M, I love her fiercely for them.
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