Keep Me in Coffee

The previous title had me worried. We're not making it that kind of blog, despite what some naughty keyword searchers might wish. And this is H I'm dealing with, the girl who remembers - vividly - every bloody thing I've ever done to her or near her. She's a mini-ninja with a computer and camera, a pint-sized terror with a wicked way with words - who knows what else she's got on me, what she might be plotting? I fret.

With so many sordid possibilities, you can understand that I was relieved she only exposed my dependence on my dark master. Yes, I have a delicious addiction. Caffeine is the perfect natural stimulant for me. My lifestyle demands it. It's a joy to drink. Without it, I'd never go to work, or get out of bed. In fact, a perfect morning involves going back to bed with coffee. I'm irrationally annoyed when people say "EXpresso". I wish I'd thought of coffeegeek.com first. And I covet a home bean roaster.

M enjoying freshly ground coffee at a plantation!

Tease all you'd like, H, but I seem to remember how grateful you were over the holidays, when I'd thoughtfully bring freshly brewed coffee to your bed every morning to gently greet the day. And I really believe that moments like those are worth some extra bitchiness.

My Sister's Crack

M has never been much for drinking liquor or doing drugs. (Thankfully, because she's a mean drunk and is way too philosophical when high.) But she has one serious addiction: coffee. I don't think she had ever seen God until it appeared in a form she could truly worship, which is Starbucks.

Any time of the day, no matter what the activity, M can drink a coffee. I'm surprised she doesn't keep a go-cup next to her on the treadmill, but maybe she just hasn't thought of it yet. The mere mention of the hot beverage (or her "dark master" as she calls it) and her eyes light up. Once, I even caught her lovingly patting her coffee mug, and I swear she uttered the words "my precious."

M, you need to take the caffeine quiz:

1. Do you drink more than three ventis or the equivalent per day?

2. Are you irritable and otherwise bitchy when your sweet sister suggests you've had enough?

3. Have you often said, "I can stop any time I want." but known it was all a lie?

Of course I already know the answers.


M is jonesing right now, I know it.